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The Illusion of Control

Whether we are dealing with the loss of a loved one, the beginning of a new task, job or transition, we are in the midst of a cycle of birth and death. Cells in our body are being created and dying in every moment. Our breath in each moment is a cycle of birth and death turning from oxygen to carbon dioxide. When we are present to it and listening for the different flavors, notes and resonance we can see where we are in the cycle. This allows us to ground into the understanding of whatever is being presented to us, for us. And, each cycle deepens and broadens our understanding so we can know the similar aspects of each cycle and that every time we go through it we see something/experience it differently because it is a new moment in every moment. This is if we are willing to let go of ego, not take things personally and move into greater alignment with Life.


As I sit on the plane writing this blog, people on this plane are experiencing/experienced the choice to move with the cycle of birth and death or resist it and try to control it. There is always the choice to move with or resist the energy/information to decide when and how to get to the airport, go through security, get to the gate, and then ascend, fly and descend with all kinds of people, turbulence, situations and energies. At any point we get to choose if we are going with the belief we need to "control" ourselves or can control others or the situation because of underlying fears of dying, being late, panic attacks, being seen or talked to, being trapped, having discomfort or taking things personally so we don’t have to see what we have a difficult time accepting. Instead, we might choose to listen to our intuition, and remain open to information that comes through us or others to assist us. Perhaps we get to stay in the space of gratitude for having the resources to get to the airport/fly, the people making sure we are safe flying, the gratitude and joy for getting to be in the air and experience the world from a different perspective, the thrill of bumps and pockets of air like a ride at an amusement park, the freedom of travel and the determination to travel with purpose and presence to do our best to leave no trace. Sometimes the information isn’t always what we want to hear, but if we can put ego aside, it can allow us to learn more about ourselves and others and move past fears, beliefs and old patterns of resistance that no longer serve us. This is not a passive choice, it is actually very active and requires us to be as present as we can and to be as clear of a conduit as possible.


Another example of this choice in terms of relationships was a conversation with two of my family members recently. An invitation was put forth by a parent in the relationship. A sibling and I looked at it from various different angles, being pulled into emotions, thoughts, responses, reactions, and some conditioned behaviors. Though the conversation ended with no resolution, I project we all understood there would be more conversation over time. If I was looking at it from ego, it would be easy to say it was "the same as always" or "something wrong.” Ego would make the conversation into a problem, something to review, to pick out all the places where I/they said something that was wrong, too much, unfair, etc. Then it would flip to the cycle of " I never/we never change and grow, same cycle.” To be sure, there can be some situations where people are really unable to shift or change from conditioned places and it is the same cycle and we can detach in Presence from a place of Love. In this case though, I could feel and a deepening of gratitude and awareness. While there was a birth and death of that specific conversation, it was very different from every conversation that has ever happened between the three of us. It was the birth of a new connection between the three of us. There was some awe as well that our energies worked together and we could hear and honor each other in different ways, more so than we have ever done. The amusement and levity of what happened was available when there was no “I” to take it personally. Now, it could be true that I am the only one that felt that shift and new connection, and that is okay. I am the only one that can shift and change my own frequency, my response, reaction and understanding of whatever happens in me and around me. No one can do that for me, nor can I do it for them. When I do step out of the place of believing I can or need to control everything or anyone else, it is much easier to note where I am in the cycle, and listen for what is needed now. Every time I let go and move into the alignment with Life/The Divine, it is much easier to connect with everything and everyone else from that space/frequency. When I don’t, it feels contracted, lonely and scary. Then comes the grabbing for more control so that “I” can feel better. Stepping out of that place of ego is what actually feels better and recognizing the human for her/their human experience. Stepping out of that belief, assumption, etc allows for authenticity, unconditional love and oneness to be revealed. We get to "see" we are all one and different manifestations of All That Is, deepening its understanding of itself. What a gift to be constantly in the cycle of birth and death, while rotating ever deeper and wider through those experiences!



This month see what it is like to practice with letting go of the need to control and instead step into the curiosity of where you are in the cycle/process and where you are in your deepening and widening rotation of the content. Notice what happens to your energy and where, how and what you want to put it towards. Not needing to change or fix anything, just noticing how this is all for us, all the time. And, when we get caught in old paradigms or patterns, we can know that it is a place we are being asked to let go of, to learn from and grow, to see from a place of lightness and kindness, rather than falling into the need to control.

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